Midlife tennis match alert: Maestro, Matador and menace
This piece draws inspiration from the world of #sport. Without further ado, let us get into the full swing of things mental tenacity when dealing with some of the curveballs life at this age can sometimes throw at you. To have a sporting chance, you have to have some weapons in the #arsenal.
Love of all things sport
When I was much younger, I loved to watch sports codes of all kinds like Formula One. I could watch the whole glittering, extremely exhilarating spectacle for hours on end. The Brazilian maestro, legendary driving ace Ayrton Senna da Silva, captured my full attention and will for ever be my favourite Formula One Champion of all time.
“I don’t know how to drive otherwise than risky. When I have to overtake someone, I will do it. Every pilot has limits. Mine is a little above the others.”
Ayrton Senna da Silva
Probably why scaredy-cat ole me loved him so much. Chalk and cheese. Then there was the beautiful game. #Football. Ahh the drama of the FIFA World Cups and I remember a time when Manchester United’s greatness was undisputed. But by far, the game of sport that held me spellbound the most was what was considered to be the gentleman’s game: tennis.
The gentleman’s game
But, as it was destined to be, there arose a Spanish matador in the guise of Rafael Nadal. Now why I am telling you this? You will have to stick around, there is definitely a moral to the story. Back to Rafa Nadal or Rafa as his most ardent supporters call him.
Physically imposing, our matador came to the fore in longish shorts, and it was not long before his hissing forehand became his foremost weapon to be unleashed. But what truly stood out about Rafa was his dogged #determination and ability to wear his opponent down. He soon came to exemplify bullish tenacity – even using bull’s horns for his branding. And boy did he win over the fans. VAMOS RAFA Soon one of the sport’s most incredible rivalries kicked into full gear. And I was all for it.
Game on
The duo had us tennis fans glued to the screens for hours. We agonised with them, discussed the permutations, dissected wins and losses and celebrated as though we were on the tennis courts with them. Such legends of the game did they become. Over the years, the two friendly foes were embroiled in some pretty heart-breaking tussles, more so if you were a Federer fan and fans eventually referred to them as Fedal. Yes, I am going to tell you what this has to do with midlife issues in a moment.
On the whole, one was used to hearing commentary like this:
Out of nowhere, he has simply turned it up a notch … GAME FEDERER
Oh, he has struck again – that hissing forehand ripped down the line – GAME NADAL.
Can you believe it? Outrageous – he has taken it in the air, and slammed it away . What a shot. GAME FEDERER
Oh, he is running around from the back of the court. Is it going to be in? Oh it’s in. You got to be kidding me. Unbelievable. GAME NADAL
Tennis, a microcosm of life
Tennis is such a mental game. For me, it is like a microcosm of real life. Sometimes, as in everyday life, things seem to be going just swimmingly but then, out of the blue, the game changes and players have to dig deep and fight.
On-court coaching is not allowed and players have to execute on their plan for the match, read their opponents’ serves, return well, keep unforced and forced errors to a minimum, concentrate when faced with a jeering crowd and ensure that they do not overextend themselves. I marvel at the skill required to be a tennis player of that calibre.
Here is the point I am trying to make about midlife struggles, #ageing et al. Whether you tackle the dark days with the elegant game of a Federer or the dogged, rugged game of a Nadal, it is important to stay in the game, rally from setback and return an unreadable serve or forehand for a winner when disappointments strike.
Arguably, one would need some FEDAL in the fight for the right mindset at this time in one’s life when the anticipated moments do not go to script, when #perimenopause symptoms like insomnia, heart palpitations and anxiety catch you off-guard, when you have to have an unexpected operation or when the implications of the loss of functionality, mobility and aesthetics are really hard to bear.
Menace of depressing thoughts
So in this tennis tussle with the menace of depressing thoughts and feelings, and everything that causes you to lose hope or that threatens your physical, emotional and mental well-being, you have to learn to land an ace against some of them, give them back as good as they have given you and eventually come out on top.
When your temper threatens to flare and your blood is boiling, never mind the hot flushes you are feeling, are you going let it get to you? Will you treat those around you poorly, then dissolve into tears the next moment, followed by guilt – all in a flash? Are you going to keep it classy with a well-placed return, in this case regain your composure, hold your tongue if necessary or respond calmly – or are you going to act impulsively and make a scene – a classic double fault?
Game plan for getting through midlife
Like a tennis professional, one sometimes has to make split-second decisions and depend on one’s training, expertise and knowledge to get through. There has to be a game plan. If you don’t have one, may I encourage you to get one and stick to it. If the plan is to get your body into peak condition – it may be best to ditch the cigarettes, the wine and the bad food habits and head out to get some exercise instead. It will require some hard work and discipline. Are you willing to go the extra mile for your health and wellbeing, going out of your way to tackle the symptoms that are affecting you?
Like the true tennis champions who have learnt to cut out the negative voices and jeering crowds, so we too can learn to manage the voices and circumstances that mean to render us worthless, helpless or FILL in the blank with what you have been told ….
Find new ways to win
On those days when we feel like we are losing the essence of ourselves as we know it or when our worth at our workplace is being challenged, are we going to slog it out? Find new ways to win at life like true champions do? The great champs have to adjust their game all the time and when injury hits, find ways to protect vulnerable parts. Can we perhaps take a few pages from their book and take the fight to our thoughts of adversity, fear or whatever is getting us down when we feel like throwing in the towel?
The flamboyant French tennis player, Yannick Noah, once summed it up like this:
“I have always considered tennis as a combat in an arena between two gladiators who have their racquets and their courage as their weapons.”
Yannick Noah
Choose to have hope
At this stage of our lives, I think it is safe to say that most of us probably are not going to be battling it out to win a Grand Slam… But the vivid lessons that tennis can teach us can help to keep us going on the days when we feel like quitting – when we feel like pulling the covers over our heads and believing that it cannot get better or won’t change, then maybe on those days, may it be a reminder that helps us to make a different decision, to decide to have hope instead and take action to improve our circumstances or get help.
Yet, balance must still be maintained – somewhere between being too hard on ourselves in a delicate period of time in our lives when we really have so much to cope with versus just letting it all be and not taking meaningful action at all. I agree, we need to embrace the ageing process and love ourselves through it – warts and all.
We all need a champion
There is a need to extend grace to ourselves and not force or overextend our bodies, as they deserve some love having served us so well for so long- now is not the time to be overly critical. Tennis, after all, begins with love. Rather, let us fight the doubts, the fears, the frustration and failures with the knowledge and support of friends. Even the great champions need supporters to egg them on and draw strength when it seems as though their dreams are ebbing away.
I sincerely trust that these parallels have helped you see things in a different light. Be sure to let me know whether I hit an ace or if the ball went squarely into the net.
Next time, join me for a discussion on what is arguably one of the most difficult symptoms to come to terms with in the run-up to menopause, with the power to reduce one to tears in a flash – brain fog.
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