Fabulous style in our 40s
“Elegance is not being noticed; it’s about being remembered.”
Giorgio Armani
Giorgio Armani famously said, “Elegance is not being noticed; it’s about being remembered.” Such is the dramatic impact art, fashion and dressing can have on an individual. Indelible impressions imprinted on the mind – not to be forgotten. Definitely, a powerful sway of the senses and mind.
My fascination with #fashion started in the era of the #supermodel in the 80s when I was a teenager. The days when a supermodel like Linda Evangelista said she would not get out of bed for less than $10 000 a day. Women who always seemed to be put together and effortlessly #chic. Or that is the impression I got. The days when Christy Turlington, Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, and Claudia Schiffer ruled the runway and were the It girls of the time. Since then, Alexa Chung has been the standout It girl.
Me? Effortlessly chic? Not so much. I have not been cut from the same cloth, never subscribed to that school of fashion or thought. I was a pear shape caught in a surfboard mindset. I wanted the #dresses to drape and hoped that it would twirl around my ankles. It never quite did.
Perhaps, it was the models I saw at the time, but it was J Lo, Beyoncé and in later years, Kim Kardashian, who set the pear shape free. Perhaps role models do make a difference in our perceptions and acceptance of our bodies.
So to state the obvious, it is clear that I have never been a maven in the #style arena. I am not dishing out gems today as a result of my great fashion forte. On the contrary, it has always been a bit of a struggle. I have always wanted to look polished, but instead of looking like one of those society darlings nailing a look while dressed to the nines, I can more identify with someone like the character Bridget Jones, tripping through life.
Can you relate to getting dressed only to have chipped or smudged #nails, flyaway #hair, mismatched clothing, a creased item despite making every attempt to iron it, a stain you hadn’t noticed, some thread hanging loose somewhere that you dare not pull, ill-fitting or bunching undergarments, etc. Something somehow would trip up the entire outfit and ramp up the insecurity. Are there any other kindred spirits out there searching for effortlessly chic like me? Because it was anything but effortless to me.
I decided to make a sincere effort in this sphere of fashion a while back. I trawled YouTube and in recent years have found women whose style I admire and managed to learn a few lessons on the way. I have long longed for a tribe to belong to creatively, but online, I found women who were all in their forties and beyond, women who were thriving and had style in spades. To boot, they were dispensing helpful advice by the bucket; advice I thought was valuable and could take to heart.
That is what I am going to share about today. So who are these fabulous women? Well, stylists, journalists, women in the public eye and some simply with that natural gift of knowing how to style. I will mention a few YouTubers in particular: Dominique Sachse, Beth Djalali, Erin Busbee, Annalisa J to mention just a few, with some Italian and French inspiration thrown in too plus some focus on #sustainability.
I find it refreshing because in times gone by, women of this age were often neglected in favour of younger women. But there has since been an explosion of content for women of this age and beyond. Marketers and advertisers are also cottoning on to this and that this age group also has some disposable income at hand. In other words, they have woken up to the fact that “older” women have the desire and the means to want to look good. Plus women like Jennifer Aniston, J Lo and Sofia Vergara and many others are showing what 50 can look like now.
And immediately, yes, the dressing like mutton vs lamb debate is sure to rear its head. It is used to explain the situation when a woman fails to dress her age. I have a lot of compassion because often we don’t realise what the changes are we need to make at the time. I have had days when I have had to ask myself whether a dress I was wearing was too young … Who does that when you are young? And understanding that you are advancing in age is hard. I think that there comes a day, arriving wholly unexpectedly, when your arms, for example, are fully bat wing and wearing certain sleeveless outfits no longer look flattering. Or one’s skin no longer looks as luminous and smooth as it once was and dainty pieces of jewellery look out of place. A day of reckoning and acceptance all rolled into one. It is not easy acknowledging that things are changing.
Whatever views you have and where you find yourself on this spectrum, I would like to quote Dominic Sachse, who implores us to dress stylishly at all times. Though not quite addressing this topic specifically, she requested women to “Keep it classy, girlfriend,” in a 2017 video.
And if you have spent a lifetime, meticulously crafting your wardrobe, and then all of a sudden experience changes to your body and discover that your clothes no longer fit, it could leave you throwing a hissy fit of frustration or a crying a puddle of tears trying to come to terms with it all. To add insult to injury, some perimenopausal symptoms bring about mandatory changes to our wardrobe – perhaps some we are not as excited about.
Today, my scope is narrow, I am just going to share the nuggets that I have gleaned. If it works for them, I certainly can take a page from their book.
Back to basics
Time and time again, ad nauseum, the same advice is doled out – make sure that you have the right basics. It is always in response to women who bemoan the fact that they have nothing to wear. I can relate to finding it hard to combine all the pieces in the wardrobe if staples required are either in the laundry need mending or look tacky and need to be replaced. If you are unsure what these basic pieces are, please check out my blog for links to these aforementioned YouTube channels.
Undergirded by proper undergarments
The role of good underwear and lingerie cannot be overstated. Wearing good-quality pieces will certainly help to make or break an outfit. Everyone knows about visible panty-lines or dark colours showing under light clothing, etc. We can all relate to a faux pas or two. I have this creamy, dreamy dress that I love, but the floral undergarment I wore recently did not play along. So, dear friends, actually still on the basics, get some undergarments in appropriate colours and make sure you have plenty in nude not to cause any distraction.
Keep it simple
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”
Leonardo da Vinci
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication,” is attributed to Leonardo da Vinci. For someone, as accomplished as Leonardo was, it is something we really should not overlook in our bid to look great. I am sure he didn’t quite mean our wardrobes, but he has a point. It is in the way we carry ourselves; how we accentuate our best bits, etc. Annalisa J also mentioned that one’s blacks need to be black, whites need to crisp and no fuzz.
Capsule wardrobe
Linking on to the previous point, the #capsule #wardrobe has been extolled for some time now. It is when you limit your wardrobe to just a number of key pieces each season and has been the rage for years, especially for those focused on sustainability. The trick is getting all the pieces to work well together and in neutral colours. Though it has merit, I think there is also room for some glam pieces, don’t you think?
Balance and symmetry
Annalisa J was also the one who emphasised this and helped me to understand the idea of creating #balance or symmetry with the colours, proportions, textures, cut, shape, etc. I think to be able to do this, you need some fashion savvy and knowing what works that only comes with trial and error, but we have been at it for some time now so I suppose now is the time for it all to come together. To illustrate, think of the pear shape I mentioned – sage advice is to keep darker colours, for example, at the bottom and wear prints or designs at the top to draw the eye from the larger bits if that is the look you want to cultivate.
Wool, cotton and natural fabrics
It makes sense that if our clothes are going to look good on our bodies, we need to wear the best possible quality fabrics that we can find. I do not mean the most expensive, although, there is a clear correlation between the two. What do I mean? Choosing natural fabrics over synthetic ones that are not breathable. Think cotton vs polyester. Natural wool, linen and cotton really help to regulate the temperature and keep you cool in the summer of in the case of wool, keep you warm in the winter.
The cut of the garment
The type of garment you choose to encase your body in should fit properly. It should add to your body’s proportions and flatter your shape, or what is the point? I think having the right cut is going to give you the confidence you need. Each to her own – there is no hard and fast rule. Hemlines are something else worth mentioning at this point. We need to be discerning on this point.
Colour me beautiful
Colour theory dictates that some colours suit us and others leave us looking decidedly washed out and dull. The latter adds nothing to your outfit and people may come up and ask whether you are sick. Kim of the YouTube channel, Secrets of a stylist, hit the nail on the head for me on this issue. She said that obviously we can be warm or cool-toned people. And that we should wear warm or cool tones of colours correspondingly. She managed to keep it quite simple which I liked. Check out her video: Why Don’t Some Colors Look Good on Me? | Skintone vs Undertone
Tailored to a T
I am not sure if any of us are able to have outfits made haute couture. Off the peg and ready to wear is how I roll. And since we are all so unique and special, with bodies that vary even between the same size, tailoring outfits is a must I have heard. Nothing says not put together like threads hanging around button holes, clothes literally being held together by a thread, gaping and bunching garments – guilty as charged, too-tight clingy numbers, ill-fitting. And you have to keep fidgeting …
Confidence, accessories, perfume, etc.
We all have had that opportunity to meet somebody who was polished and just oozed style. You just know it when you see it. There is that special something emitting from that person, sometimes we can’t put our finger on it … It is the way she moves, the way she talks, the way she conducts herself. She is comfortable in her skin and the outfit ensconcing her skin. Chances are that she has simply made some effort, accessorised, made time for her herself and invested in that hint of perfume wafting pleasantly in the air. We can learn from her and incorporate it into our own lives that is what makes this all so encouraging.
As I cottoned on to some of the tips, there were some interesting issues to consider. Firstly, being healthy is the most important and yet underrated thing. I discovered that one of the stylists mentioned above had been diagnosed with breast #cancer. Please, may I remind you to take care of yourself and get your medical exams and check-ups when they are due. Great health is a stunning look and helps you to cut a dashing figure.
Secondly, most of these style icons live abroad. I will agree with you, living in South Africa, though stunning, has some drawbacks: you need to budget to make sure you have long-lasting durable pieces. Consistently buying high-quality pieces, as some mentioned, is often out of reach for many of us. It also depends on where we wear our clothes. In more affluent parts of the country, where wealth is flaunted to some degree, one could easily become a target of crime if you are perceived to be wealthy. Therefore, remaining street-smart is vital and reading the proverbial room important.
I suppose it is safe to say that we have to look after the pieces we do, in fact, already own. A bit like a James Bond movie, let them die another day. Taking extra care and being meticulous about storage can go a long way to preserving our special pieces too.
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