Deceived and paying the price
Hopes and dreams
I have seen first-hand how devastating it is in life when any semblance of #balance has been abandoned and # boundaries are violated.
My hope is that the life stories of these fictional characters will resonate with you while the #biblical illustration will show that there really is nothing new under the sun when it comes to the heart of humans. Hopefully, it will provide an aha moment at the very least or my dream is that it will set in motion a curiosity on the subject. Who knows where that exploration will lead? Season one was solely focused on perimenopause; we delved into unbalanced hormones at length. Then season two rolled around; balance in everyday life situations with a biblical recourse became modus operandi.
In pursuit of greatness
That brings me squarely to a phenomenal woman whose name means greatest and, funnily enough, her pursuit of greatness also happens to be her Achilles heel. Maxine is a full-of-life dynamo: happy as a lark described her childhood and even into adulthood, she can often be found chortling with laughter surrounded by friends and family. From a young age, it was clear that she was a bit of a go-getter. Her God-fearing parents delighted in her and ensured that her talent was nurtured. However, they also instilled in her a common-sense perspective on life and the need to treasure people. “Nothing wrong with #ambition,” her Mom insisted, “as long as you don’t trample over others in your pursuit of your #goals.”
Her husband, an artist, was the chilled-out type of guy. It is probably why she was so attracted to him in the first place. His indisputable passion for art was clear to all who met him and his talent undeniable, yet money boggled his mind. As a result, he often allowed Maxine to take the reins when it came to their finances. He always teased that she would take their money to the max and she did. But times were tough, and lately, she wished that he would make passive income instead of merely being the passive spouse.
She would not readily admit it, but she was starting to resent being the one in the driving seat – getting things done. Joe had caught her eye because he was such a free spirit – the exact opposite of her highly organised, slightly boring but routine life. Opposites attract they say, but after 10 years, two kids and two dogs, she was starting to feel concerned about where they are going as a couple. Though Joe was incredibly talented, his fear of rejection as an artist was starting to hamstring his career. She wished that he would put himself out there some more and promote his work. A chasm was opening in their relationship; it was the reason, she believed, that they were lagging behind their peers.
Always the pragmatic one, she decided to explore new avenues of income and as luck would favour the brave, she got wind of her dream job and decided to go for it. With double the salary that she now earned, she realised that the demand on her time would undoubtedly be more. She vacillated: earn more #money now and reap the reward and free time later on or enjoy the time with the family now and probably struggle a bit later on. It was a no-brainer.
She was excited at the prospect of travelling for work as this job indicated. Contrary to most moms, Maxine had started to feel as though she was losing her mojo a bit and relished the thought of travelling on her own – she could do with some more me-time on trips. She reckoned Joe could take on more responsibility with regard to child-minding duties as his studio was adjacent to the house. They could afford extracurricular activities during the day and he would have to keep an eye on them when she was not home.
New prospects in the horizon
Unsurprisingly, she was shortlisted after a round of interviews. Joe expressed his reservations. She exploded. Her resentment at his lack of confidence in his work and his career passivity seemed to stoke her fire of stubbornness. Joe knew better than argue with her. He was well aware of her bugbear and that it was starting to cause problems in their marriage, but competing with the Joneses had never been his thing and he thought that this was what was fuelling her fire.
Their family life was all that Joe could ever have wished for: he had two beautiful children and the wife of his dreams. He loved that their differences had always seemed to complement each other in the partnership that was the marriage that was so sacred to him. What he had not told his wife was that he had something HUGE in the pipeline. Joe was the epitome of level-headedness, not your average anything and also not one to count his chickens before they hatched.
Unbeknownst to Maxine, he had been putting himself out there to some people in the art world. Baby steps had turned into bolder moves. The time he had invested in the promotion of his work not only in the right circles but also through online digital marketing and it was starting to pay off, there was immense traction. He had been putting his neck out but not in a way that Maxine had assumed he would. In any case, these days he could do nothing right. He was a little worried about it, but his mother, who often told him that she saw so much of herself in Maxine, said she would come around. His Mom and Dad had gone through rough patches too and they were still together he reasoned.
But Maxine’s headstrong character was more bullish than usual. He was not sure what triggered it but he remembered seeing a visible change in her after visiting her childhood friend, Kelly, and her husband Ryan, at their new beach house. The two friends had often been inseparable growing up and habitually did things at roughly the same time, but there was clearly a gap now: a financial one.
If Joe was honest, he felt the twinges of jealousy himself. Everything seemed to come to Kelly and Ryan so easily. But he was confident that things were about to change. As he was pondering this, Maxine rushed in. The job was hers! She was deliriously happy but he had his reservations … When he tried to communicate these to his wife – she had repeatedly entreated him to be open with his feelings instead of withdrawing into a shell – he got the tongue lashing of his life. It reminded him why he had retreated into that shell in the first place: he always tried to keep the peace, be humble and be the least … But was it really keeping the peace? Was this a winning strategy?
Maxine was so ebullient and in that figurative bubble, she was incapable of rational thought. At that precise moment, she felt like Joe wanted to hold her back and not allow her to follow her #dreams or use her talents. She was on the cusp of having what she had long cherished in heart if not quite verbalised. She wanted to be one of the jet-setters, travelling the world, written about as a mover and shaker. In some way, a bit like Kelly. Joe desperately wanted to understand what this was all about: she blew him off and asked him if he felt threatened?
Joe had never seen this side of her before and was actually frightened by it. He called his Dad and told him everything; his father was his bedrock and he said he saw so much of Maxine in his own wife. From experience, he told Joe to allow Maxine to carve out her own path. She had lessons to learn. In hindsight: sage advice. Joe told Maxine she could take the job – and she jeered him. He was left at a loss for words.
Things only spiralled further south from there. Maxine was soon so inundated with work that Joe and the kids hardly saw her; and as for church, well that was the me-time she craved. The little ones were becoming so crabby and attention seeking that Joe had to get his Mom in to help sometimes. Maxine was often so irritable and would scream at them, upsetting Joe in the process. He couldn’t believe that she would treat them like that, it was so unlike her and he overcompensated time-wise, which, in turn, upset Maxine because he had to work to make money.
Joe did not baulk on his family #values. He hardly saw his wife and when he did they invariably ended up fighting. He had planned to tell her that he had sold some of his work and that he had earned a tidy sum for it, but she had become impatient with him as he was trying to explain … She said she had no time for his giddy stories – he had to be practical and get to the point. He never quite did. He was so hurt and decided not to tell her anything for a while.
One night, Maxine told Joe that one of her clients was launching an incredible artist and had invited more senior partners at her firm to the event. Her client said the man was ridiculously talented and they were delighted to have discovered such a gem. Maxine had been multitasking as usual and was just half-listening when they told her anyway – and she could not give Joe any concrete details.
He seemed to be asking her so many questions and she snapped in annoyance, resorting to asking him if he would ever make it big, even though she had no clue who was being fêted. She saw how his demeanour changed, how deflated he looked and how she had dented his pride. He slowly walked away shaking his head, tears streaming from his eyes. Though she felt guilty, her heart was too hard to beg for forgiveness as she saw it. She allowed things to accelerate in the wrong direction, holding onto her right to say these things to the man who adored her. Why was she so blind to his pain?
One day, Joe specifically requested her presence at home to look after the kids while he went out. He did not say where and she was too proud to ask. Recently, while dashing home unexpectedly, she had found him signing for some packages delivered to his studio. Intrigued, her financially savvy self wanted to step in and ask questions. She had to concede, though, that Joe was doing just fine without her. Thinking about it brought on another foul mood, and while screaming at her attention-deprived children, she saw her husband, dressed to the nines, get in his car and speed off.
He came home late, or rather in the early hours. She was livid and went to work in a rage. She called Joe, and spitting resentment had a royal rant at him. He had said absolutely nothing when she confronted him on the phone. Just said, I was out doing something for my family. He would not elaborate and, exasperated, she ejected more vitriol.
She was still smarting about the audacity of the man at midday when an email came into her Inbox. It was the write-up of the event she had boasted about to Joe. She opened the images and, unbelievably, saw someone she used to know so well: her husband. He was the artist … She nearly threw up. She considered how she had behaved over the last few months and she had such great remorse. How come she had been deluded in self-importance to such an extent that she had made such disparaging remarks to her husband and had virtually destroyed any rapport with the man she loved? To the point that she had been unaware of the greatest night of his career? Why had she neglected her family?
DECEIVED???
Once again, the Bible will shed some light on someone who also had it all once, but threw it away, seemingly on a whim – for what looked good at the time and met fleeting desires. In her effort to gain instant gratification, she ended up paying a hefty price for it and we benefit from her pain by paying attention to her story. It is graphically depicted in only three chapters of the Bible, yet her story has reverberated through the ages and affected each of our lives, whether we like it or not. Who is she? Eve, the very first woman.
Her story started with all that was magical and enchanting. In my mind, I can see her dashing around with delight, laughing with her husband in paradise. More than any other woman ever to set foot on this planet, she had it all. She literally was married to the perfect man, knew the God of the universe personally and by all accounts was as perfect as a woman could be. She knew what the world was like before sin entered it. It is probably why she holds so many of us spellbound. Yet, having it all contributed to the reason for her fall, she wanted more …
Eve was the pinnacle of creation and such a crucial part of God’s plan. If ever you thought that God did not value women, she surely proves the antithesis. At this juncture, I would like to reiterate that I am not a theologian or expert, but merely a Christian who has read the Bible for years. I see how useful the Bible truths are and perhaps I would like people to explore the Bible’s pages differently.
That said, I am often as flummoxed as anyone else by some of it. But I believe the Word of God to be entirely true even though I have failed to fully grasp it; it remains God’s love letter to mankind. Let’s start at the beginning, Genesis chapter one tells of the awe of creation. The second chapter introduces us to Adam and Eve. Genesis 2:5-7 describes Adam’s origin – I quote:
5 Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth and no plant had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no one to work the ground, 6 but streams came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. 7 Then the Lord God formed a man] from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Genesis 2:5-7 (New International Version )
Not sure about you, but God personally breathing life into his nostrils just communicates the special relationship Adam had with God: extremely personal. Then special mention is made of the place God had made for man to dwell. Genesis 2:8-9
Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. 9 The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
I would like you to pay special attention to the following: Trees were already growing out of the ground with two specific characteristics, namely one, that the trees that were pleasing to the eye and two, good for food. The passage then continues to mention two other trees. One tree is a tree of life and the other a tree of knowledge of good and evil. Did they grow out of the ground is my question, or were they entirely different to the others? Genesis 2:15-18 then describes God’s plan for man as follows:
Genesis 2:15-18
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Note verse 17 specifically: they were not allowed to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Nothing is said about the tree of life at this juncture. What is clear that there are consequences – eat it and you will die. So far everything God has made has been good, but the fact that man is alone is not good. All the wild animals and birds fashioned from the ground by God were brought to Adam. He named them all but none was found suitable as a partner for Adam. Then God solves the problem, read Genesis 2:21-22.
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
A special being majestically came into being – from the rib of the spouse God made her. I think we need to pause here and really take that all in – we regularly tout how women have the special privilege of giving birth to the living, but the woman as she was to be called, was taken from man originally. And He was also responsible for her before God. That is the biblical version of how mankind came to be. The chapter ends with verse 25 as follows:
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Then chapter three introduces us to the original antagonist – an extremely wily creature that the Bible defines as more crafty than any of the wild animals God had made. Known simply as the snake, or serpent in other translations, he spoke to the woman. Can snakes speak? I am aware of only one other instance in the Bible when an animal spoke and that was Balaam’s donkey. Was this literal or figurative? I had this thought once, and each of us must properly make this determination for ourselves.
Just last week, I read a story of a couple, tourists in South Africa, caught in a jam. They were enjoying lodging at a national park, none too shabby accommodation to boot, and thought that they had been experiencing a leak as water was dripping from the roof onto the man in bed. Turns out it was a python in the roof, don’t ask me what was dripping but it was not a leak or was it, but what I do know is that they were so out of there. Snakes are scary people … Anyway, I digress. This crafty creature then asks her:
“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
Notice the choice of words – did God really say … That immediately casts doubt on what God had said. As many a Bible scholar has pointed out, the command was originally given to Adam. Was he there to hear it? The Bible seems to state that later on, why then did he say nothing at this point. Eve responds:
2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
Genesis 3:2-3
Again, after listening to sermons over the years, it is clear that she got part of the command right, but the Scriptures do not make mention of touching the tree. Death, though, was sure to come. In his craftiness, the creature responds:
4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
The creature counters the danger of taking it directly while refuting God’s truth. Then he casts more aspersions on God’s character. Why did she doubt the validity of the Word God had given her? Why did she believe this crafty snake? What about this interloper convinced her that God was not good or that his intentions towards her were bad? Don’t forget, the Living God had hand-crafted her himself, she was a one-of-a-kind masterpiece fashioned from the master Creator. What made her turn against him? Why did she find it so easy to doubt God who knew her so well inside and out? What made her believe this so-and-so whom she had never met before? Why were his lies so tempting?
This is how Eve reasons – I am so glad that the Bible mentions this:
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
So here goes – Eve saw that it was good for food – so were all the trees from the ground mind you. She had a whole garden full of those at her disposal. Then she saw that this tree was pleasing to the eye – same premise as before. I also want to highlight that the Bible clearly reveals that Adam was right there. Why did he never defend what Go had said? Why was he passive? Was this creature a foreign creature throwing everything that they knew into confusion?
Why did they not agree to take the matter up with God? Did they bother to check the snake’s credentials? Why was it so easy to believe this creature and not God? I ask these questions to show how easily we can be fooled sometimes and we are not as perfect as these two were. Imagine being Adam and naming all the living creatures. I have a hunch he had no idea who this creature was and he may have been miffed that it seemed to know so much. The snake confused them and managed to plant doubt in their minds about God – because after all, if this creature existed outside of what they knew God had made and if God had not told him about this creature, what else had God not said. Right? Conjecture on my part, yes.
Furthermore, it never occurred to them to question whether knowing good and evil was a good thing. No Identity check or verification required. Straight to doubting God’s goodness. They just took and ate. Sadly, I can relate to having days like that, where something unexpected takes the wind out of my sails and I doubt God’s goodness and the truth of the Bible. Sad, but, unfortunately, true.
Consequences for them came quickly. No, they did not immediately die, but had their eyes opened instantly. All of a sudden sin entered and they discovered that they were naked and sewed fig leaves together. The first time in this new dispensation, they felt the need to hide from God.
God confronts this issue outright by asking very important questions, I will list them here:
- “Where are you?”
- “Who told you that you were naked?”
- “Have you eaten from the tree from which I commanded you not to eat?”
- “What is this you have done?”
Then came the emphatic consequences for the snake, the man and the woman. Note the order. Consequences that reverberate until the present day. I want to place special emphasis on Eve’s punishment:
16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labour you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
Genesis 3:16
Pray you now, wasn’t her desire for her husband? What was it for then? Was it to know good and evil? Why then, if that were the case, did they not think of eating from the tree earlier? What was so tempting at that juncture? And the fruit was no ordinary earthly fruit either as it could cause spiritual death. Brutal fruit if you ask me, not just forbidden. Think about it.
I have left an intriguing detail out on purpose; later on in Scripture, the identity of the serpent or snake was revealed as none other than the devil himself. Was that the bit that flummoxed Adam? He did not now this entity and he could not defend his wife because he did not know what it was. And he took his time to evaluate the situation. Could he have been afraid of losing Eve if he did not eat? What were Adam’s priorities? They both paid the price because whenever you read the Scriptures, it is clear that Adam was held accountable for the sin that had entered the world. And both lost their place in paradise. Aging, murder, lies, all kinds of things that they had been oblivious to now became the norm. And lives with us today – all the things that slowly kill our hearts.
In conclusion, let’s reflect on how easy it is to throw away knowledge that one may know to be true; to trade-off something of value for the latest fad and/or people’s opinions. Perhaps one is mired in doubt about God’s promises and one finds it easy to jump on the bandwagon of anything touted as new and amazing. Are our convictions able to withstand scrutiny? Do you easily cave in on issues? Are your boundaries so porous that nobody knows that they are there? Are you known for standing up for things? Or do you just go with the flow? Could stoic under pressure ever describe you? Flaky maybe? But conversely, are you so hard as nails that nothing, not even the truth, can move you?
Hopefully, this illustrates how delicate taking the time for a balanced consideration of life is. Perhaps, it is clearer now why having a balanced viewpoint, maintaining boundaries and discernment are all so vital for modern-day living.
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