Amore’s kiss of betrayal

Sunshine

Amore was pure sunshine! Her voluminous, raven locks and tumbling tendrils glistened in good health and it had a way of shimmering in the sun as she effortlessly glided between appointments. Definitely her definitive attribute while her eye-catching olive skin added to her Spanish-looking, vivacious features.

Free-spirited, with a deep love for the ocean, this sometimes eccentric and often flamboyant woman was unafraid to stand out. Her love for long, flowy skirts that danced around her ankles, bold colours and patterns, and garments of lush textures added to the effect and clearly set her apart. But she was equally as comfortable in sneakers, jeans and a white tee. It wasn’t one particular aspect but the sum of all parts.

Everything about her just radiated warmth, magnetic in its appeal almost. Her unaffected laugh and approachability compounded that sense of acceptance one felt in her company. She seemed genuinely interested in what people had to say and had a unique #love for the poor to boot. She was always championing a cause or two. And her nickname was even Sunshine.  

Revelled in the work she did

Among Amore’s many loves was the #work she did, she just revelled in her role as a senior digital marketer and her clients were often #creatives who simply adored her. Sometimes, her work-life balance suffered a bit but her work brought her such deep fulfilment, she didn’t really mind too much. Amore could count her blessings as one of the lucky few who seemed to have found a highly profitable niche at the right time; a perfect fit if ever there was one.

She worked with some particularly high-flying performers; fellow colleagues that she felt were sometimes overly competitive. But they were so much part of the fabric of her life. She felt that she was #free to be herself. Well, perhaps “had” was a better word. A dear mentor had retired and another stalwart had found a dream job elsewhere so the dynamic in the team had changed. Things had not been the same for a while but she accepted that change was a good thing.

Rayno and Alexa

There was a new marketer in the office, Rayno, short for Raynard, and he was actually quite the heart-throb if she had to be honest. He lived and breathed sport, and could tell her all the behind-the-scenes shenanigans in the rugby world. Rayno had been a pro athlete, replete with the physique, chiselled features and floppy dark hair, but had his hopes dashed.

However, he was still in touch with all his old buddies and lived vicariously through them. Though he was actually very good at what he did – as a result of his disappointment, he desperately wanted to make his mark in the marketing world – and Amore sensed a wistfulness of a dream that never could be.

He was besties with the Events Promoter, Alexa. These two knew the who’s who in the field and were often at promotional events together. They were the water-cooler-gossip team extraordinaire.  The public relations team loved them, they were so well connected and could give them the inside scoop on some lovely deals and some not-so-lovely, sordid even salacious details to be honest. She was not in the business for that and it made her uncomfortable.

At first, it did not bother her as much. Rayno seemed like a genuinely cool guy that she felt could be an asset for her clients as well. He looked like a model, hey, people loved being introduced you know. She knew that they were actually all quite striking as a team. His barrage of questions about her private life, though, started wearing her down.

He seemed to want to know details she regarded as private – and she was fiercely private. Despite her unaffected charm, she had been burned before and was not going to allow anyone to come along and hurt her without asserting her #boundaries.

Putting up walls and barriers

Too many awkward interactions that concluded with him insinuating details of her life had pushed up her barriers and the walls she was starting to erect were affecting her love for her work. Rayno had casually remarked that her job was the one he actually wanted, but just as casually shrugged it off. Since then, she found herself watching her back the whole time; life was no longer free and #fun – the very aspects of her being that were her hallmark of sorts. 

Alexa was an incredible promoter, but she could get stressed quite easily, was known as a bit of a perfectionist and nit-picky. More than anything, she desired to be an interior designer and desperately wanted to be seen and acknowledged in that sense. She had the annoying habit of being so saccharine in front of the clients and would flatter them in her in sing-song voice.

The same voice that she would add a couple of decibels to and drown out Amore in meetings. It seemed as though the only person in the room was Alexa. She was very knowledgeable, though had no formal qualifications in either marketing or design but that never stopped her from airing her opinions.

Rayno of course supported her in every way: two peas in a pod were they. When Amore mentioned the state of affairs at the office to her husband, he told her that she was probably over-reacting and that she needed to ignore them. He offered other practical #advice, but she still had such a bad feeling in her heart. Dark clouds were gathering and she didn’t like the depressed feelings she was having and the new propensity to expect the worst. Where had her #optimism and #hope gone?

So trusting

It was getting worse; her anxieties were making her jittery and suspicious. Compared to what was now being considered the dream duo, she felt so stupid, clumsy and gauche around them. They came across as so sophisticated and worldly-wise. She sensed that they were talking about her behind her back even though, Rayno, in particular, would always smile at her and try and reassure her that he valued her at the office.

He was always making her a concoction to drink – herbal stuff, the latest energy drinks, that type of thing. But through it all, conversation invariably changed to topics and people that they knew would exclude her. Like they knew it made her uncomfortable.

If Rayno, through his in-depth scrutiny of her life, considered something in her as a strength, he would quickly attempt to stifle it. And yet, she felt like the two of them had been able to connect in a deep way and he had shown her his vulnerable side. Somehow, sometimes when she still felt like she could trust him, she would be confronted by the same turn of events and she would not be so sure.

Foolish

She often berated herself for being so foolish, naïve and trusting. Soon, she made the inevitable decision to ignore their chats altogether to # protect herself. Besides, she really needed to focus on her job – her boss had asked her what was going on with her performance and she had been mortified. It had never happened before.

Alexa and Rayno’s boisterous antics at work  knew no #limits, they seemed to be where the fun was at and they were often found together laughing very loudly – often when she walked by. She was feeling isolated and alone and others in the office did not seem to notice. Amore was so afraid that she was becoming neurotic and emotionally unstable, everything her husband had expressed he did not like about women.

Reassurance

When she went to the original Miss Sunshine, her mom, for tea and a chat, she was a little concerned as well, but she told her to pray and shine her light brighter. She said that they would get the message and eventually, if she extended kindness, things would change. Though she knew her beloved Mama was right, her stomach kept lurching. Despite Mom’s basket of goodies and tons of reassurances, she left still feeling hollow and alone inside. A measly shadow of her former self, my goodness she looked gaunt.

Rayno’s words the day before had particularly stung when he had casually remarked, “Hey Sunshine, you are looking decidedly in need of some sun, are you sick? Those dark rings under your eyes must surely mean that you are tired. If you need to take time off, we can handle the workload for you, you know.” He smiled at her with that sickeningly knowing smile. It was clear, he certainly knew how to rain on her parade.

She believed he sensed that he was turning a knife into her heart or was it into her back, but he pretended to be concerned about her well-being and her boss seemed oblivious. Annoyingly, she found herself irrationally angry, with tears starting to sting behind her eyelids as she battled to hold them back.

Worry

She felt increasingly distracted and was often irritated. Worryingly, her errors, more numerous these days, were being trumpeted about the office by Alexa, who expressed a need to help. Amore had no problem accepting help from someone who knew more, but did Alexa actually know more and did she have to correct her so publicly and so loudly all the time? She had burst into tears once, smarting from the latest barrage of exhausting “help” from Alexa.  

And Alexa had used the opportunity to ask her if she was pregnant as she said it would explain the moods. She felt a thick, dark rage well up inside and it took every ounce of self-control not to give her a huge smack. Did Alexa know that she was struggling to fall pregnant? Amore had specifically decided not to share anything at work; especially that she had fears of infertility. It was putting a lot of strain on her marriage and her usual sunny disposition.

Alexa was very perceptive, and had noticed Amore’s wistful reactions to her increased mention of babies and baby clothes. Would Alexa be callous and insensitive on purpose? Amore remembered when she had been that type of girl in the past and gave Alexa the benefit of the doubt. Once again, she had to go to the bathroom to redo her makeup as she was not looking great. Certainly nobody could accuse her of being a sight for sore eyes.  

Tears

These days she spent way too much time in the bathroom trying to steer clear of Alexa and Rayno. She did not like who she was becoming. Where was the happy-go-lucky, confident woman of months before? But as she listened to the water flow from the tap, her peace momentarily returned, she could exhale. She just stood there for a bit, feeling the sun on her skin.

Perhaps, she thought, the day would not turn out badly after all. Just a few more hours and then it was the long weekend. She was looking forward to time away with her family at their favourite retreat. But then she heard Alexa’s voice – booming as usual and clearly excited. Face glowing, she entered and almost seemed to be bouncing, then she shrieked that there was soon going to be a special office-wide announcement, snacks included.

A celebratory kiss

Turns out that the management team had seen how much Rayno and Alexa had flourished as a duo. They sensed that they were ready to take on more and their manager felt that since Amore had been so inundated with work – and Amore suspected that since she had been making more errors – her top client would benefit from their combined expertise instead.

The duo had been hanging out with the client socially anyway, so the transition would be seamless. Amore tried to smile through it all, her heart crushed, her mind racing.

She left as soon as she could, but forced herself to “congratulate” the two first. As she turned to leave, they tried to ply her with celebratory drinks and insisted that they all take a photo together. And they were snapped with Rayno giving her a peck on the cheek. Crawling away from that meeting, she knew that the writing was on the wall. Amore was a mess and did not know how to dig her way out of this one.

Bible sheds light

Now we turn to the Bible, once again, to shed some light. Jesus, himself, had someone in his inner circle betray him with a kiss. In one of the most profound instances of betrayal recorded in the Bible, this one was particularly heinous given how close to Jesus the perpetrator was and the nature of the device he used to betray: a kiss. As I write this, I think of the Middle Eastern tradition and that pecking on the cheek signifies a close bond. Yet, it led to the death of them both actually.

One was treacherously, brutally, illegally murdered, while the other was so wracked by guilt that he went to a field and let’s say that he did not have a field day with his life. But how did it get to that point? We are first introduced to Judas Iscariot when Jesus specifically chose the Twelve.

The Judas

He was the finance guy of the story. But strangely, always last to be mentioned on any list and always referred to as Judas Iscariot in order to differentiate him from the other Judas. Thank you, Alistair Begg, for pointing it out in a sermon on the topic.

In infamy, he certainly stood apart from the other Judas. We rarely reflect on the life of the other Judas, but Judas Iscariot is known as a traitor worldwide. Let’s just say, Judas is not a common baby name for a reason.

Jesus’ twelve disciples were, of course, offered front row seats to what would become a pivotal era in history. Can you imagine hanging out with Jesus? Privy to all the parables? Able to see him refute arguments with the religious people of the day, maybe even know what he wrote in the sand that day when the woman caught in adultery was brought to him? Or having the privilege of seeing Jesus’ compassion on the people who approached him day in, day out.

Saw miracles

He saw Jesus doing miracles, inviting people to become disciples, and so much more. And he saw people raised from the dead, people healed and none by conventional methods. Jesus himself taught them all to pray. Additionally, he saw how much faith some of the others had, perhaps he had seen Peter walk on water, not too crazy for Peter’s spontaneous personality.

Who knows why Judas was entrusted with the money of this band of men, the men who were destined to turn the world upside down and right-side up.

The Bible does not reveal a whole lot of specifics about many of these men and he was not one of Jesus’ closest confidants so I am not going to try and fill gaps, we just stick to the biblical narrative. God knows our hearts, and in John 2:24-25 (New International Version), the Bible specifically reveals that Jesus knows our hearts, I quote:  

The Bible also reveals in John 12:4-6,

⁴ But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, ⁵ “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” ⁶ He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

Jesus never treated Judas differently

It never ceases to blow my mind – Jesus who knew what was in men’s hearts knew this and never is one ever led to believe that he treated Judas differently. That could also explain why reading the narrative of the betrayal is so jarring. And the kiss so traitorous. It is betrayal in one of the most intimate of ways. On the other hand, he was one of the Twelve but not one of the trio – James, Peter and John. Is this perhaps the secret to Judas’ behaviour? Whatever it was, it led to betrayal. I read:

Appalling bloodshed

There are consequences for sin and there are consequences. Let me explain – Judas’ sin led to the appalling bloodshed, the most horrific death of the Son of God. He was illegally tried and had been subject to the most wicked of violent actions – beating, punching, mocking, etc. and verbal abuse – hurled at him by soldiers and religious leaders alike. The flogging had produced mottled ribbons of flesh, as it was ripped apart by the whip or flagellum made of leather and embedded with bones and lead.

He was mercilessly and violently bludgeoned when most knew he was innocent. That was before he was remotely crucified – one of the most barbaric forms of punishment known to the regime of the time. Those of us so focused on human rights today cannot but be appalled by how this carpenter from Nazareth was treated.

He was brutally murdered because of his teachings all the while truly loving and healing people. Really? Jesus had become a threat to be rid of. It is devastating that it had to come to that. Such was the dastardly hearts of man.

What drove Judas?

I wonder what was really in Judas’ heart. He knew that people were trying to kill Jesus. In the true style of a money man, he reckoned he could make the odd buck from it. Money was definitely on his mind, and certainly had a role to play, but who actually goes in and arranges for a true friend, one you know is innocent, to be murdered? Was he really so self-centred or was there something deeper?

Did he perhaps feel overlooked? Perhaps, he was the quiet sort of guy; the others around the table at the night of the betrayal did not know exactly where he was going. Was that the norm? Part of the Twelve but not really part of them.

Did he not feel guilty when he, like the devil, waited for an opportune time to get to Jesus? I wonder if he never thought to question himself, did he really grasp what he was doing? Could it be that he did not for one minute actually think that Jesus would die or, maybe in his misguided understanding did he reckon that Jesus would be able to stop it? Is it possible that he actually thought that Jesus would not know what he, Judas, was up to?

Perhaps he thought he was getting away with stealing – why not murder? Is that too harsh? I suppose the ultimate question is how well did he know Jesus? If he thought he could fool Jesus, then I am inclined to think that he did not know him as Master. What do you think? And this is what the Bible has to say about who or what one’s master is?

Money

I wonder what he did with all the money that he pilfered from the group. Besides buy the land where he committed suicide. Did he just steal small amounts? What was his motive? Was it just pure, unadulterated love of money? The Bible cautions against the love of money, God knows that we need money to get around in our world, but when it masters us and is all we can live for, we have traded masters. Let me share a passage:

So spot on if we consider Judas. Did he wander from the faith and pierce himself with grief? And yet Judas was chosen with the rest of the Twelve after Jesus had prayed about it. It was not a light decision on Jesus’ part. But something was found in Judas’ heart. Like Satan long ago, evil was found in his heart. The account at the Last Supper is as follows:

Judas had chosen to turn against Jesus. And it caused Jesus great distress as you can only imagine. In our humanity we can relate so intensely to this aspect of Jesus – verse 21:

²¹ After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray me.”

But in the end, it literally all came to naught.

(With the payment he received for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out.) Acts 1:18

Just hours before, the Twelve were actually wondering which one of them would betray Jesus. John 13:26-30 narrates it as follows:

Satan’s last hurrah

Satan was, once again, at it. I cannot quite imagine this? Despite Jesus telling them who it would be, and the fact that the others clearly knew their Lord, they still seemed confused. They thought Judas was going to do something for Jesus. Not one understood why Jesus said it to him. Was it so inconceivable that Judas could betray Jesus?

Was he so pious in front of them that they just could not envision it? Did he come across as such an obedient follower and just about when did John put two and two together and realise that Judas was also helping himself to the money despite his protestations about the poor? 

Let me fill you in: One day, Jesus was at a banquet when a woman poured expensive perfume on his feet, Judas’ response is telling here:

You know how everyone posts, how it started and how it is going, well this is how it all played out in the end:

A great tragedy to be sure. The point of the narrative is that he had the privilege of meeting the holiest man ever to set foot on the planet, God in the flesh – the God-man. He had the teachings of Jesus from the very lips of God. Judas had had every opportunity to engage with Jesus and one of the most privileged of men to have witnessed miracles. Yet, Satan was able to tempt him.

Vigilant about our hearts

Shouldn’t it encourage us to be ever more vigilant about protecting our own hearts? I have seen some pride and self-righteousness in my own heart of late that I am repenting of – some very unholy spirits to contend with to be sure. It would only be right to look at Judas and see how easily I, like him, can fall.

But also, what can we learn about how Jesus treated Judas? I wonder whether he ever mentioned the money. Did he call him to repentance? I cannot imagine that he did not. Did Judas lie about it, squirm? In the end, did his heart become so hard that it didn’t matter? I suppose your guess is as good as mine. But we don’t have to guess what we need to do to stay on the straight and narrow. Repent, repent, repent.

In summary, people who may seem like they have your best interests at heart may actually be the very ones to betray you. Due to the nature of the relationship, the betrayal seems even more astounding. It is up to us not only to be vigilant about the people, but to take note of what is in their hearts, not ignore the warning signs and then hand it back to God so that He can take care of it. Judas’ actions may have been the catalyst for Jesus’ death, but there is good news:

God is a good and has a way of turning even what is bad into good. A Hallelujah is in order here, I think.

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Imogen Campbell

I am a Communication Science graduate and a published writer. At heart, this curious South African has a deep love for the beauty of the written word and a passion for all things communication – as well as what makes it effective. Lately, fascination with the digital economy has held my rapt attention. As I navigate the tenuous, sometimes scary, yet always exciting terrain, I trust you will be right there with me on this newfangled ​journey.

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